Saturday, November 23, 2013

Welcome To Facebook

A dad sign up for a facebook and add his son into the friend list the boy updated his status by saying
"Dad, already got a FB.. WTF"

And the dad replied, "what is WTF"

The boy said, "Welcome To Facebook"

If animals have Facebook

If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates :

Cockroach : Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle.

Cow : Huh! They are touching my breast again..what they think I am! b****?

Mosquito : I am HIV positive this is all due to wrong sucking !!!

Chicken : If tomorrow I am not updating my status, means I am being served at KFC.
Love you all.....

Octopus : I have just refilled my ink..horray!!

Dying grandmother

A grandmother dying in her bed was talking with her grandson ..

Grandma : "I may die in a few minutes, so I want you to inherit my estate including villas, tractors, farms and all poultry and cash $22,389,630.00".

Grandson : "Wow!" 'Thank you Grandma, I did not know you have a farm and all this wealth? Where do you have those things? "

Grandma said with her last dying breath .. "In my Facebook! "

Monday, October 28, 2013

Facebook ads

Facebook now analyses the photos you post, and via a very clever software system comes up with relevant advertisements based on what is picked up from the images.

I posted a photo of the wife and I on holiday, now I'm being bombarded with adverts for divorce lawyers.

Men vs Women vs Facebook

Men: My grandad has died. I'm not going to cheapen his death by putting it on a Facebook status and making it all about me, when it is he who should be getting the attention".

Women: My grandad has died. If I don't put it on a Facebook status and use it to my advantage whenever I'm losing an argument or crave attention, it means he died for nothing!"

Facebook pizza

Someone knocked at my door this afternoon.

When I opened it, I saw a guy from Domino's holding a cheese and tomato pizza.

"I haven't ordered any pizzas," I said. "This must be a mistake."

"I know," he replied. "Your neighbour forgot his Facebook password and wanted to show you what he was eating for lunch."

Facebook mothers

Facebook is apparently down.

Millions of mothers worldwide have to raise their babies now instead of posting updates about them..