Saturday, November 23, 2013

Welcome To Facebook

A dad sign up for a facebook and add his son into the friend list the boy updated his status by saying
"Dad, already got a FB.. WTF"

And the dad replied, "what is WTF"

The boy said, "Welcome To Facebook"

If animals have Facebook

If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates :

Cockroach : Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle.

Cow : Huh! They are touching my breast again..what they think I am! b****?

Mosquito : I am HIV positive this is all due to wrong sucking !!!

Chicken : If tomorrow I am not updating my status, means I am being served at KFC.
Love you all.....

Octopus : I have just refilled my ink..horray!!

Dying grandmother

A grandmother dying in her bed was talking with her grandson ..

Grandma : "I may die in a few minutes, so I want you to inherit my estate including villas, tractors, farms and all poultry and cash $22,389,630.00".

Grandson : "Wow!" 'Thank you Grandma, I did not know you have a farm and all this wealth? Where do you have those things? "

Grandma said with her last dying breath .. "In my Facebook! "

Monday, October 28, 2013

Facebook ads

Facebook now analyses the photos you post, and via a very clever software system comes up with relevant advertisements based on what is picked up from the images.

I posted a photo of the wife and I on holiday, now I'm being bombarded with adverts for divorce lawyers.

Men vs Women vs Facebook

Men: My grandad has died. I'm not going to cheapen his death by putting it on a Facebook status and making it all about me, when it is he who should be getting the attention".

Women: My grandad has died. If I don't put it on a Facebook status and use it to my advantage whenever I'm losing an argument or crave attention, it means he died for nothing!"

Facebook pizza

Someone knocked at my door this afternoon.

When I opened it, I saw a guy from Domino's holding a cheese and tomato pizza.

"I haven't ordered any pizzas," I said. "This must be a mistake."

"I know," he replied. "Your neighbour forgot his Facebook password and wanted to show you what he was eating for lunch."

Facebook mothers

Facebook is apparently down.

Millions of mothers worldwide have to raise their babies now instead of posting updates about them..

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Facebook found stolen car

Her Volkswagen Tiguan was stolen when her home was broken into but the bright-yellow car was recovered less than two days later - thanks to social media.

Public-relations executive Aja Ng said she and her husband were away in Bali for a vacation when their home was broken into.

The burglars not only carted away some of their belongings, but also drove away her car.

Ms Ng acted fast by posting a picture of her car and sharing a call for help on her Facebook page which read: "Our house in Bangsar was burgled last night and my car was one of the items stolen. If you spot it, call the cops...Share please!"

Within minutes, her post was shared by 113 people. Nine hours later, the couple were alerted that the car had been spotted in Damansara Kim, she said on Saturday.

Ms Ng called the police to inform them of their find but minutes later the car was gone.

"However, we drove around the Damansara area and, by sheer luck, found the car at a nearby carpark 15 minutes later. We did not let the car out of our sight and quickly called the cops," she said.

Friday, September 13, 2013

How about a Facebook ice cream?

If Facebook were an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Naturally, it would be blue and white and ‘liked’ the world over.

After watching how obsessively his teenage daughter would check in on the social media site, an enterprising ice cream maker in Croatia decided to drizzle blue syrup over vanilla ice cream, stick a sign on the frozen treat and call it ‘Facebook,’ reported trendspotting site PSFK.

The flavor reportedly tastes like chewing gum and candy. Or, as BuzzFeed calls it, "crippling loneliness."

If you hate your customers, tell them to :go to hell on Facebook". You might not be fired

A Danish bank worker who was fired for using Facebook to tell late-running customers to "go to hell" has won a dispute with her former employer, her union said Tuesday.

The Danish pensions administrator logged on to the social networking site to vent on December 28 -- the last business day of the year in Denmark -- after being inundated with requests from clients.

"Holidays! Go to hell, people who remember to make deposits into children's savings accounts and pensions on the last business day of the year! There are 364 other days of the year when you can call about that," she wrote in a status update littered with expletives.

The woman was fired after a colleague took a screen shot of her Facebook rant and alerted their employer on January 3.

However, an employment tribunal found she should have been let off with just a warning, and ordered the bank to pay her just under eight months' worth of wages in compensation.

The colleague who reported the incident later refused to testify, which is believed to have helped her colleague's case against the bank, the Financial Services Union Denmark said in a statement, without naming the bank.

The woman realised that what she had done was wrong, but felt that the punishment didn't fit the crime, the union quoted her as saying.

She admitted to rarely writing anything on Facebook since losing her job.

"If you can only write what a lovely day it is today, and see how beautiful my children are, then there's no point," she said.

"This case has taught me that no matter how private you make your profile, you cannot guard yourself against others taking it and bringing it into public domain," she added.

"I had done my best to make a closed and private profile... but I obviously let someone in who shouldn't have been there," she said.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Venezuelans asked to cancel Facebook

A government minister in Venezuela, which has offered fugitive US intelligence leaker Edward Snowden asylum, is urging her countrymen to cancel their Facebook accounts lest they be targeted by US snooping.

"Fellow Venezuelans: cancel your Facebook accounts, since you unwittingly have worked as CIA informants! Look at the Snowden case!" prisons minister Maria Iris Varela said in a Twitter posting.

Varela also said victims of "gringo espionage" should file lawsuits to demand "fair compensation" and bankrupt the US government.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Man hits wife over Facebook

MALAYSIA - A man beat up his wife when she questioned him over his late night Facebook activities, reported Harian Metro.

According to a source, the 26-year-old woman woke up at about 2.30am on Tuesday to find her 29-year-old husband still engrossed in his Facebook page.

Suspecting him of having an affair, she confronted him. They ended up fighting and he punched her in the face before beating her up.

He then left their house in Sungai Besi, Kuala Lumpur. The wife has lodged a police report.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Catch me if you can......

When a U.K. police station posted a fugitive's mugshot on its Facebook page, the cheeky lad wrote in from his personal account: "Catch me if u can."

"In the past it's taken us several weeks to get a hold of him," Inspector Umer Khan, who runs the department's Facebook page, told NBC News.

But the very next day, the runner, 19-year-old Sam Greenwood, was spotted and arrested by a squad car out on patrol.


Friday, May 17, 2013

The dog with 1.5 million followers on Facebook

His name is Beast. His owner is also the owner (or, more precise founder) of Fabook, Mark Zuckerberg

Non-humans crowd Facebook

Facebook loves to talk about its ridiculously high number of users. Yes, Facebook has a whole lot of accounts, but many of them aren't humans. eMarketer released an analysis of Facebook's audience, and it turns out more than 10 percent of Facebook's reported monthly users are not human. Over 100 million active Facebook users are pets, objects or brands.


Thursday, January 10, 2013

And now a Facebook for cats

If Facebook and Twitter are not enough to show how cute and adorable your fluffy cat is, it’s time to check out Catmoji. Malaysian developers have launched a special social network for cat lovers.

People with a feline fixation now have their own separate place to display love for their pets and post gigabytes of cat pictures without distressing their ailurophobic friends.

This new website will spare you of news, politics and relationship statuses focusing solely on the cats.

The website was thought-up and developed in Malaysia. The closed cat-loving community can be joined if you leave your request on the website.

The site also offers to find you cute cat pictures according to your mood.

You want girls, try "JB Compensated Dating Girls"

It appears that some Malaysian Internet users are using Facebook for more than just catching up with old friends.

A new Facebook group, said to be based in Johor Baru, appears to be offering sexual services.

Said to be run by a woman, the Facebook group, in Chinese and loosely translated as "JB Compensated Dating Girls", was created on Sept 9 last year and now has more than 2,400 "likes" or thumbs up from people.

The women involved, some of whom are only 16, apparently provide sexual favours and act as mistresses to any man who can keep them in a lifestyle they are accustomed to, reported Malaysian news website, The Daily Chilli.